My Lord, quoth I,
My God, Thou art the collection of all virtues,
And according to Kant their pure enumeration is an evidence of Thy existence.
Yet, what is the use of this evidence,
If I have been reasoning so long about love for an ideal
That does not exist.
However, as a sign of respect for Thee, Lord,
I will count all conceivable virtues
That I know phenomenologically from different sources
And of which I am cognizant from my personal experience.

Like David, dancing at the head of a mad musicians' procession,
I will begin with the simple, unpretentious ones,
And further,
Accelerating this line of crescendo
Ecstatically and furiously
I will reach the apotheosis of merging with Thee, Lord,
At the height of the categorical imperative.

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint, O Lord, heal me,
And if Thou cannst not,
Will my prayer strengthen Thee?
Creating the virtual body of my God,
I contribute a trifling part to the radiance of Thy Glory.
How much Thou needeth one more drop of perfection
That can wash a whole mountain even in cold water!

But Thou, O Lord, art a compassionate and gracious God,
Slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,
Thou granteth Grace and Glory, the magic charm,
An unmistakably constant flavour.
The natural, the light and the pure will restore the original beauty.
The healthy, perfectly balanced mixture,
Now I feel safe and I am always sure of the result.

The Divine Spirit created me
The breath of the Pantocrator gave me life.
A miraculously constant fresh wintry flavour
Prevents anxiety and reestablishes the balance of spiritual powers.
Removes deep-seated doubts and strengthens my belief.

Praise Him, all His angels,
Praise Him, all yee heavenly hosts.
I used to distrust your tiny little wings for they are so thin,
But now the anguished soul
Is easily mended by the unique feeling of dryness and safety.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
May the Lord be with Thee!
The pure and light,
The reliable and practical
Will not irritate Thy Son's skin,
The way to keep feeling clean all day and night
Is finally found!

My Lord, Thou art my shield and my glory,
Effectively, with 100 per cent warranty
Thou reacheth down from on high
And I feel comfortable
Even at the peak of emotional tension.

O Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me!
But Thou art a shield around me, o Lord;
Thou bestoweth glory on me and lifteth up my head.
I call for Thee and instant action repels the acid attack.
The unique formula of Thy Grace
Strengthens and supports me
In healthy proportions.

I will praise Thee, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all Thy wonders.
For now I need no longer take my jumper with me
And my heart can rejoice all night, on every day of the month
For now I would believe only in a God
That can dance.

Hear, O Lord, my righteous plea; listen to my cry.
Give ear to my prayer, it does not rise from deceitful lips.
I feel like the Bride of Christ,
I count Thy virtues again and again.
I fear to forget but one insignificant detail,
For otherwise Thy light image would be spoiled with numerous production defects,
The competitors would seize the market with their more advanced products
And I would be left with my expensive but outdated ware.

I believe in one Almighty God, the Father,
Creator of Heaven and Earth
Even when an angel, flying in a great hurry on his business,
Commerce seen or unseen,
Touches me with his wrinkled hand.
Don't you know that God has been dead for ages? - quoth he.
Ili, Ili, lema samakhvani!
Any Pharisee, regardless confession, would translate this sentence in the same way:
We aim to keep the customer completely happy.